Today I Long For You
by fuzzydream
Summary: "We're here now, and we're both free. Let us live the present." Set after S5CS.


**A/N:** So today after I managed to have some coherent thoughts after the CS, this was written. Just a little something I just had to write. Thanks Terrie for the awesome edit! Reviews are always very much welcome. ;)

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Downton Abbey.

* * *

><p><em>Today I Long For You<em> by _fuzzydream_

* * *

><p>A deep breath escaped Anna's lips, her soft snores soothing John's heart in a way that only Anna could. The first rays of morning light made their way into the bedroom, making his wife's hair turn almost golden and her skin into porcelain. She had lost some weight in their time apart, and he knew she was incredibly self-conscious about it – but she was still the most beautiful woman in the world to him. Had it really only been three months since they lay together like this? Since they were able to wake up together, in each other's arms? It felt like an eternity to him – it seemed that every second away from her was worse than any time they spent apart in the past.<p>

They got on, but barely so. This time it had been so much worse than before, as if this was possible. Her confessions and her revelations of her childhood, given without a mere chance of a touch between them; him hiding, without being able to even write to her or read her lovely handwriting anytime she wrote to him; the uncertainty of a future they couldn't even dare to dream. No, this couldn't happen again. He dreaded even thinking of being away from her just for a couple of days, because of Lord Grantham or Lady Mary. He didn't want to be apart from his wife ever again.

Anna stirred, lying on her back now, though her eyes remained shut. If he was anything to go by, he was quite sure she was having the best night of sleep she had since before they came to get her. And to think that even then they were spending their nights apart, at Grantham House, just like two ordinary servants.

He propped up against his elbow, slowly to not awaken her, to properly look at her. She looked so peaceful next to him, her long hair completely dishevelled against the pillows, her bare shoulders meeting the cold morning air and he watched as the little hairs of her arms stood up and she instinctively hugged the blankets tightly against her body. He couldn't resist a hand reaching for her hair and stroking it, and he slowly lay back down with her, snuggling against her side and breathing in her scent. Her eyes flickered slightly, and he smiled as he knew she was waking up.

She opened her eyes slowly, sighing slightly, and he kissed her temple.

"It wasn't a dream," she whispered, blinking heavily. "Good morning."

John smiled. "It is a good morning."

She giggled, turning on her side to face him. "And we've had such a happy Christmas."

He reached for her cheek. "One of many to come."

She was smiling into the kiss, and he marvelled at how much sweeter she tasted every time they kissed. They parted and she ran her fingers through his hair, no doubt thinking he might need a trim, and he was quite sure she would soon inquire about his eating habits and if he had taken enough care of himself for the past months. He caught her hand when she travelled down to his jaw, and kissed her palm slowly, reverently. He saw traces of tears in her eyes again, not for the first time since he surprised her, and he shook his head.

"I won't go away. They won't come between us anymore," he assured her, and she nodded.

"I know. I know you said that they don't have a case against me anymore, and I know you've been proven innocent," she said quietly, clearly conflicted, "but I don't want us to risk anything."

"Mr Murray assured Lord Grantham they won't arrest either of us," John told her, "and he'll come tomorrow to talk to us both. Don't worry. We're here now, and we're both free. Let us live the present."

She nodded, kissing him forcefully once again.

"You silly man," she said as they broke apart, "with such a risky plan. They could have caught you."

"They didn't," he smiled, "and if they had, that would be a small sacrifice in order to have you free."

She shook her head. "My freedom means nothing if you aren't with me."

"But I am today," he said, "and we don't have to think of other possibilities for now."

Anna ran her palms through his chest, nodding at his words. "I know. I trust you."

His hands picked at her sides dangerously, and she squirmed slightly under his touch – he hadn't forgotten how ticklish she could be, and the giggle she presented him with was enough to make it worth it.

"I'm sorry I woke you up," he said quietly, and held her waist in place. "I know how much you like to wake up natural."

Anna smiled. "That's fine. I woke on my own, and I don't want to waste another second asleep when I have you right here with me. It's not often that we have the luxury of an entire morning off."

"Lady Mary was very kind to grant us that," John said with a smile, remembering how Anna had summoned Lady Mary to the staircase for a moment so that she would know he was back. The young lady had been kind enough to send them home without another word, and made them promise to not show up at the Abbey until after luncheon. "I'm only sorry we couldn't speak to Lord Grantham. He was the one to telephone me to say it was safe to come home."

Anna giggled. "I think he was far too giddy and it is best to talk to him properly today, or he might not remember it at all," they chuckled at her words. "Tell me about Ireland. How was it there?"

"Dreadful," he said at once, and Anna threw him a sceptical look. "I mean it. It was dreadful without you there. But my cousin James and his wife send you their love, and made me promise we would visit."

Anna pursed her lips, deep in thought. "It was very nice of them to take you in, given the circumstances."

"It was. They are good people. I'd like to take you there one day," he said quietly. Anna didn't respond. "I'm sorry. We don't have to make any plans – in fact, it's best that we shouldn't. Every time we do, it seems that something very unpleasant happens."

Anna smiled at his words, albeit sadly, and snuggled further into his embrace; he closed his eyes at the feel of her naked body pressed against his and took a deep breath.

"No. I want us to make plans," she said quietly. "I want us to plan our future because we have it now. Up until yesterday I wasn't sure if I would ever have you again, and here we are. I want us to make plans and make them happen."

He felt the tears pick at his eyes, and blinked slightly. Only his Anna would still be so hopeful, would still be so strong. After everything they went through – after everything _she_ went through – she still hadn't given up on them.

"And they shall," he told her. "We might sell the house soon."

Anna nodded tearfully. "And we might leave service. The times are changing."

"We could be our own employers," John commented. "I say we have all mornings off."

She giggled. "But then we would never have anything done!"

"We would make love," he whispered, grazing his lips against hers, "and perhaps a baby or two. Maybe three."

"Mr Bates!" Anna exclaimed, giggling. "Let us not get too ahead of ourselves. One at a time, please."

He grinned, absolutely in love with her. "Or maybe two."

Anna's eyes widened at his implication, but she giggled anyway. "You are incorrigible, you know."

"Well," he said, feigning thoughtfulness, "who knows what surprises the future might bring us."

She leaned forward and gave him a quick kiss. "If that's the kind of surprise we may get, then I don't mind it one bit."

"Neither do I," he admitted, giving her a smile. "And even if it doesn't happen for us, if it just remains the two of us… You'll be stuck with me until our lasting days."

Her eyes clouded for a moment, and she scolded him. "Don't talk like that," but she threw him a smile a second later. "I thought you said we must live the present."

"I did, and we are," he growled, and turned them around so he was on top of her.

"John!"

Anna let out a yelp and giggled heartily as he nuzzled against her neck and his fingers grazed against her skin in a most tantalizing manner. He settled between her legs, and she grasped at his shoulders as he slowly tickled her – her laughter invaded his ears and her smile was bright on her face. He stilled his hands a second later, and she panted for breath, though the smile wouldn't stop.

"You are so beautiful," he breathed, unable to stop the words. Anna blushed. "Every day I still wonder to myself, how lucky I am to have you as my wife."

"As lucky as I am to have you as my husband," she said, lacing their fingers together, and he felt the cold metal of her wedding ring against his skin. "I know I told you that… sometimes, it just takes some people longer. And it has taken us a long time, but I never thought… I never thought the time was right for us. There was always something… And I won't deny, I was very selfish at the beginning of our marriage. I wanted you to myself."

He chuckled at her rambling words, and leaned down to kiss the corner of her lips once, twice.

"I believe that God would give us a chance when the time is right," she said at last, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. "And perhaps this isn't it, for I don't know what tomorrow will bring… But all I know is that it has never seemed so right."

"Oh, my darling," John said, kissing her lips fully now.

She opened her mouth to welcome him in, and he got lost in her once more, as it wasn't hard to do so. She raised her legs to his waist slowly, and the warmth between their bodies was almost too hard to bear.

"We take it one day at a time," she said as he took a deep breath, "just as it comes. But I don't believe it'll just be the two of us – I might drive you insane, mothering you on your own," she pursed her lips, trying to hide a smile, but his laugh prompted her to laugh too. "We might just have to wait a little, but perhaps it isn't a dream too big to think of."

"No, I don't believe so," he agreed, kissing her again.

It was a big dream, though, and they knew it – but so many of their dreams were taking the shape of plans nowadays, that perhaps they could indulge themselves a little – they could dream, freely, for the first time in a long time. And what they had now was enough for now; their freedom and her happiness was something he would vow to protect until his final days. But he had her now, hopefully for good, and that would always, _always _be enough.

Anna's hips moved, and a moan in the form of his given name was said.

There was no time like the present, after all.


End file.
